By
Dana Rausch
/ August 6, 2012
Wallpaper and vinyl wall art are quite different. Wallpaper sticks when glue is applied, while vinyl wall art is stick on. Wallpaper is not easily removed yet wall art peels right off with no residue. If you make a mistake with stick on, it’s easily removed and re-applied. As wallpaper is made for endurance, wall art is temporary. Both appear beautiful and functional in the beginning but they differ in showing wear and tear for the long haul. Sadly, this resembles some marriages.
Marriages were made to endure. They were made to last. Yet marriages have become more like stick on. If it doesn’t work the way you want it is as easy as – just peel it off and re-apply with someone else.
Do you know people who handle marriage like wall art?
Recently while sitting on a plane, I couldn’t help but overhear two men sitting in front of me discussing their broken marriages. For almost two hours I heard these two counsel each other on their broken marriages. One was quite bitter and using graphic words to describe the wife that was taking him to cleaners. The other attempted to guide him in how to have an amicable divorce and make it best for the children.
An amicable divorce is an oxymoron – when children are involved. The dictionary defines this as two words with contradictory meanings used together for special effect. As one of the men shared how he and his wife made the divorce easy for their children….I sat back thinking what a lie. Nobody walks away from divorce unscathed. Divorce is like tearing down wallpaper. He was deceiving himself thinking his children were not affected.
As the child of divorced parents, I could relate. I always wondered why. Did my Dad not love me? Could I have done something? How come other kids have Mom’s and Dad’s come to school events? Do I matter? Questions pondered in the mind of a child that can’t at the time be answered.
Divorce at times is inevitable. I have many friends that have picked up the pieces and made the best of the situation they were dealt. And I am so proud of them. They became single Mom’s or Dad’s without choice and although they struggled they endured for the sake of their children.
It is those who had a choice to become a single parent, who saddens me. Those who treated their marriage like stick on wall art. The Bible says in Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel.” For many years I thought he hated me because I had divorce in my family. But God hates divorce not the people. He hates it because he knows the damage and pain it causes.
May I strongly suggest that you think long and hard before peeling your marriage commitment off like vinyl wall art? You may be asking how and I give you three things:1. Pray like you never have before. Rant and rave if you must. God gets it. Be emotional. Let it all out to Him and NOT your spouse.
2. Seek good counsel. This does not mean: confiding in the friends that will tell you what you WANT to hear; neither does it mean searching for the worm at the bottom of a bottle of Tequila; or taking prescription pills. Find a marriage specialist. A couple that I know believe so much in marriage that they don’t just counsel couples an hour a week, they take them into their home for a weekend and invest much time and effort in the marriage.
3. Examine yourself. Take a good look in the mirror. What do YOU need to do to change? You cannot look in the mirror and list the things that THEY need to change. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side, and if you jump over that fence you take your baggage with you.
With an hour more of flight time, I gathered up courage (some of you may think stupidity) and asked the two men in front of me if I could ask them their opinion on my book idea. I explained the concept and then asked them both if they felt things could have been different if their wives hadn’t tried to shave off their manes. The younger husband replied that she not only shaved his mane, but other parts as well and never uttered another word.
The other man while chatty and receptive to the book concept was guarded as he put all his reasons for his divorce in nice little tiny boxes. Wrapped in pretty paper with a nice bow and the excuses appear presentable. I was so appreciative for their honesty.
As we all de-boarded the plane friendly, the uncomfortable topic lingered. I know that we all left pondering divorce but I just wonder…..could their marriages have been different if they had been treated like wallpaper and not like vinyl wall art?