By
Dana Rausch
/ August 29, 2012
Trust is defined as: relying on and having confidence in the truth, worth and reliability of a person or thing. Trust is to place confidence in and depend on another. To believe and expect with assurance, the one you entrust. It means confidently with a feeling of certainty that the person or thing will not fail.
It is wonderful to have the ability to confidently rely on someone that would completely have your back. To have the freedom with another person to pour out your deepest feelings from one end of the spectrum to the other is surreal.
Confiding in another from your fears and hurts to your dreams and desires and feel utterly safe. Dependence in a friendship is when you can be real and transparent with them as they encourage, edify and build you up in truth.
That is trust in my mind. Years ago while working in an office, I happened to walk into a work area and mistakenly overheard a conversation. Two people in hushed tones were having a conversation about me! Thinking that these two were my friends, I was horrified to hear their cutting words.
Immediately my mind took off like fish line on a reel…..Did they really just say that…….why didn’t they talk to me and get the truth of the situation……..how many other people have they told that lie to…….how could I not know they felt this way……..does everyone else here dislike me too?
And just like a flounder it churned up a great deal of “bottom feeder” emotions in me. I had two options. Flee and bury it or face it. When I walked around the partition, they both knew immediately that I had overheard their words because of the shocked, embarrassed and guilty looks on their faces. Can I admit that alone was so worth facing it? After all these years it still brings a smirk to my face……… J
The loss of trust with an acquaintance or friend is one thing but what if it is your spouse? You are not only friends but this is someone you have shared the deepest part of yourself with. This is the person you are considered one with, no longer two halves but a whole.
Is the trust issue the same for friends as it is with a spouse? Having experienced both I have come to this conclusion: Trust can be broken with a friend, but it is shattered with a spouse.
Can it be restored? I believe it can either with a friend or spouse, but it is hard work and it takes time. The key to restoring trust is forgiveness. One simple word: with so many facets.
Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
One facet that has helped me tremendously is to know that I am responsible for my own heart. I am the only one that can guide and direct what goes on inside my heart with my emotions and thinking. I have often wanted to blame others for my bitterness or resentment and more so for my feelings of unforgiveness. Yet, I am told see to it that no one misses the grace of God…………
YOU did this to ME and I deserve to feel the way I do! For years I tried to justify my anger and hurt by pulling the victim trump card. What an immense waste of time.
Since you are the one who oversees what goes on inside your heart, you are responsible for that “inside” part. And friends, God will hold you responsible for it. Not that other person, which means the ball is in your court. You make the choice to either let bad attitudes and ugly emotions move into your heart or to evict them.
Anger is the ugly emotion that is continually knocking at my hearts door. If I let anger in, in no time it turns to wrath that leads to bitterness, then resentment and once again, unforgiveness has taken me victim……..as the bitter root grows up to cause trouble……
The last facet is that my hearts condition affects others. Had I allowed the seed of unforgiveness to continue to grow, my husband, children, family and friends would all have suffered the results.
Has it been hard? Grueling is a better word. Was it worth it? Every ounce. Was trust restored? Yes, only it didn’t appear the same, it became different. Restoring is defined as refurbishing, repairing, rebuilding and renovating.
Often times the defects or imperfections cannot be avoided. But for Don and I, thirty two years later……God has taken the pieces of our marriage and made it exquisite………just like the picture.
