By
Dana Rausch
/ August 13, 2012
Isn’t it a given…that you NEVER rip on someone else’s spouse to them? Have you ever torn a piece of paper and tried putting it back together? Sure you can use tape, but the tear remains. Tis the same effect, when you criticize another’s spouse. Do you really expect them to say back to you, “Oh you are so right, my husband (or wife) is such a jerk! I so agree with you!” Don’t be foolish. Use your words wisely or don’t use them at all.
My Facebook post sounded a tad bit harsh, so let me explain…..
I am astounded that NO, it is not a given that you don’t rip someone else’s spouse apart to them. Why, because it happens all the time. Others feel they have the liberty to speak their minds. After all, aren’t they speaking the truth in love?
No, they are not. What they have to say may be the truth in their minds, BUT YOU DO NOT DO IT TO THEIR SPOUSE.
Take a piece of paper and tear it in half. Now take those two pieces of paper and try placing back together into one piece. You can’t do it can you? When you tear someone’s spouse apart, it rips at their very being.
I think of the verse in the Bible that says, “The two will become one flesh”. After 32 years of marriage my husband and I are fused together into one package. So if you tear me apart to him, it is like ripping his very being. And the same is true if you tear him apart to me.
I asked the question, do you really expect them to agree with you. Do you? If and that is a strong IF they do agree with you, you need to drop to your knees and pray for that marriage because it’s in trouble. Why?
1) Because they are going to you to complain and you are not helping the situation.
2) That complaining spouse is tainting your view of their relationship in the wrong light. They spew to you and then go make up with their spouse and you are still holding a grudge. And then your friendship begins deteriorating.
3) Constant complaining erodes relationships.
Don’t be foolish into thinking you are the savior of their marriage. You are not. The Lord is. If you find yourself in this scenario, point them back to the Lord. Let them complain to the Lord who has the ability to fix relationships. Suggest talking with a marriage counselor or pastor. Use your words wisely.
I am sad to say that I have found myself in this situation lately. Twice to be exact…..
I was reminded of a situation many years ago when I witnessed someone laying into my pastor’s wife about one of her kids. I was appalled at the time not only that this lady had the audacity to be screaming at the pastor’s wife, but also the wife’s response. She calmly and mildly said that she would take care of the situation. Yet this other women had more to spew. She again calmly said that she would look into the situation and even thanked her for letting her know!
I couldn’t believe it. I would have stuck my finger in that other’s women’s face and acted just like her. Yet years later I see who the better person was. My pastor’s wife was wise. She diffused an unpleasant situation peacefully.
I am becoming a person like that, not by using my words wisely, but more so by not using them at all. Because I know myself, I am aware that I better just keep my mouth closed. I have not yet acquired the ability to have someone spewing at me and not react. Therefore I respond with walking away.
So, remember next time you want to unleash on someone else. It is very much like projectile vomiting. Not only can I not stomach the smell but I don’t want it on me!