By
Dana Rausch
/ July 30, 2012
I have control issues. I’ve bought into the misconception that if I control those around me, I determine the level of disappointment, hurt or anger I will endure. Therefore, I attempt to keep others at arms distance fearing I won’t be able to control them. Control is defined as: to direct, dominate, to hold in check, and curb; to adjust to a requirement or regulate; A restraining device, measure, or limit.
That sums up what I do, especially with my husband. I direct and dominate and expect him to adjust to a requirement I have mentally established he is unaware of. I set emotional regulations in place he does not see, until he crosses the hidden boundary line.
Have you ever experienced crossing someone’s emotional boundary line? Shaking your head in disbelief or wondering what happened? Questioning what you did or said? You throw your hands up in defeat trying to speculate where you stepped on their “control” land mine.
Exactly what happened this past weekend. My husband stepped on one of my land mines………………..
Is your mind racing now? Oohhh, you want details? You know me…I will give them. But brace yourself. They may not be what you anticipate.
Lately, I’ve been disappointed in myself. When I look in the mirror I don’t like what I see. When I consider my thoughts, I don’t like what I think. As I hear my words, I don’t like what I hear. I don’t “like” a lot of things right now. Girls, can you relate?
The irony of it all is I didn’t know why! I only knew that an emotional eruption took place and my husband took the brunt of it. He is still shaking his head in disbelief remaining exasperated because he doesn’t know what to do for me. Notice I said do for me, not do about me.
I tried to pinpoint where the land mine had been located. Obviously something in me had been buried and only when disturbed, it detonated. Was it insecurity or an old hurt? Was it possibly a dark place in the past trying to drag me down, or an old issue left unresolved?
Sorting through the mental rubble, I slowly unearthed hidden issues in me. Did you get that? I unearthed hidden issues in me. Hidden. Issues. In. Me. I had matters, problems, concerns, questions that were hidden. If they are hidden, how can I expect my husband to know or even find them when they are hidden IN me?
The answer is I can’t. Yet as wives that is what we do. We expect them to know us. We blame them and accuse them for not being capable of unearthing issues in us. Many of us join forces claiming, “They just don’t get us women.” Can you blame them?
Girlfriends, sometimes we put unrealistic expectations on our husbands that they cannot accomplish. Our issues need to be brought to the surface and WE need to deal with them. Not him. He can’t change our past; he can only help us with our future. If we leave buried issues, they will come around again and again. Deal with them now once and for all. In the process you help your marriage and help him understand you more.
Emotionally I had felt like I was splashing in the ocean, riding the waves having a good time. Suddenly a wave came pulled me up and over and before I knew it I was being tossed under water. For a moment I wasn’t sure which way was up. When I surfaced, I knew one thing. My husband observing the situation and known I was in need of his help and was putting his arm out to grasp my hand. I only needed to take it.
Any comments? Would love to hear them…………..
By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. Proverbs 24:3-4
