By
Dana Rausch
/ May 7, 2013
A continual thud was heard on the far side of the house. Searching its source, it narrowed down to the laundry room. The noise pinpointed to the dryer. Someone had inadvertently placed a shoe in the dryer. With every tumble the shoe was plummeted downward over and over again, banging inside the drum.Much like my feelings……
Regret, pain, hurt, frustration, and disappointment banging around in my head.
· Regretbecause I even tried to help…
· Painbecause I reached out and now don’t trust…
· Hurtbecause I can’t understand them…
· Frustrationbecause bad people win…
· Disappointmentbecause people don’t want to change…
As the thud of emotions in my mind grows louder, the pressure increases. Building in force and escalating the stress. Rapidly getting out of balance as my mind goes on overload. The release valve engages and unfortunately for me it’s anger. Not only am I furious with them, I’m angry at myself for allowing them access to my heart, and giving them power over me. Therefore I begin the process of building a wall of protection to guard it. After all, Proverbs 4:23 does tell us to guard our hearts. Doesn’t it? So I am not going to care, love, trust, or give of myself.
Yet just like God asked Jonah, he asks me, “Do you have a good reason to be angry?”(Jonah 4:4) YES I DO is my response! I have to protect myself.
· It’s not fair!
· It’s not right!
· They can’t do that to me!
· I am not going to allow them to get away with it!
Selfishness is defined as, “the state of tending to ME.”
I have my rights! “I” this and “I” that! I, I, I! Again, it’s all about me. I have to take care of me because nobody else will. I have to get them, before they get me. I deserve this! I am better than them!
I have my rights! “I” this and “I” that! I, I, I! Again, it’s all about me. I have to take care of me because nobody else will. I have to get them, before they get me. I deserve this! I am better than them!
Isaiah 43:25 in the NLT says, “Let us review the situation together, and you can present your case to prove your innocence.” Come on Dana, let’s review this situation together. Let’s have this out. Make your arguments. Prove you’re in the right…….
And it becomes clear as I attempt to justify myself what I am really upset about. I am being selfish and no different than others. My own selfishness comes to the forefront. The very things I don’t like in others, I see starring back at me in the mirror……. For that reason, instead of blame I take ownership of my own sin. I hear His Word and acknowledge it, confessing that I was wrong and accept his forgiveness.
Immediately I could hear His response to my feelings:
· Regrets – never regret helping others… (Matthew 25:40)
· Pain – is inevitable but never stop reaching out. Trust me. (Galatians 6:2)
· Hurt – my heart hurts also because they can’t understand how much I love them.
(Jer. 31:3)
(Jer. 31:3)
· Frustration – is short lived because bad people don’t win. Be patient. (1 Timothy 6:11)
· Disappointment –others may not want to change but you can. (Romans 12:2)
Yes, Dana I understand your anger but don’t let it be the cause of sin. Anger is fueled by something else. I will help you get to the bottom of what that is for you. Because then you will be set free from the scheme that the enemy uses to trip you up. Yes, guard your heart because everything in life flows from your heart. But guard it from things that would keep you from trusting and loving me. I never meant guarding as leverage to lock people out. Build boundaries not walls.
Do not fear Dana, do not let your hands hang limp. I the Lord God am with you, I am a strong and a mighty warrior to save you. I take great delight in you and will calm your fears and quiet you with my love, as I rejoice over you with singing.
You are loved Dana.